After watching a VHS tape designed to brainwash kids into loving Pokémon, I felt inclined to revisit the beloved anime series from my childhood.  Pokémon: Indigo League, season one of the long running series, is the only one I finished, mostly because Brock left early in season two and the promo talking about it will forever haunt my dreams.  I’ll be going through each episode in detail, so if you’ve never seen a solitary minute of this show or you’ve watched ’em all, I invite you to join my Pokémon Journey through yesteryear.  Let the recaps begin!

Episode 6: Clefairy and the Moon Stone

We find our heroes heading towards Mt. Moon.  The narrator explains that there are tons of mysteries here and that Ash and friends will find that they are ALL TRUE, ruining the entire episode fifteen seconds in.  Near the entrance of a cave, a scientist is being attacked by Zubat.  His voice is clearly just Meowth’s but somehow even more annoying.  Pikachu uses Thunder Shock and all 40 Zubat fly away instantly.  The scientist thanks Ash in a never ending parade of poetry, yelling “I’m alive!” at the top of his lungs, and saying he is “Seymour.  Seymour the scientist!  Knowledge!  Research!  I’m Seymour the scientist!”

Great.

Seymour the scientist explains that someone has strung up lights inside the cave, upsetting the Pokémon.  Paras are ripping their mushrooms out and Sandshrew are drying up.  It’s a little depressing how much damage light can do.  Seymour the scientist assumes troublemakers are there to steal the Moon Stone, which he says can increase a Pokémon’s power.  This is inaccurate and par for the course on this show.   It causes a total of six Pokémon to evolve.  That’s it.  Seymour the scientist also thinks Pokémon all came from space on a Moon Stone spaceship, so he is likely an insane person.  A wild Clefairy appears and five seconds later is cornered by Meowth.

I’m just the worst person.

Team Rocket appears and says their motto as always.  They’re holding a shovel and pickaxe and when they clang them together, it’s almost like the hammer and sickle, which is good imagery for them honestly.  Jessie and James send out the usual Koffing and Ekans while Ash and Brock toss out Butterfree and Zubat, which I guess Brock caught when no one was looking.  Butterfree uses Whirlwind to deflect an incoming Smog attack and although Brock tells Zubat to use Double Team, it just flaps its wings with Butterfree and lies to Brock.  Zubat then uses Supersonic , confusing both Team Rocket Pokémon into battling themselves.  Ash tells Butterfree to use Whirlwind, again, but this time to “blow them all the way out of the cave,” which literally happens because of course it does.

Outside of the cave, Misty and Seymour the scientist give chase to the fleeing Clefairy, who can jump EXTREMELY high on the mountain.  Meowth again corners it, and instead of fighting, it just jumps to what would presumably be its death.  Luckily, Misty breaks the Pokémon’s fall, causing her and Seymour the scientist to fall into a lake.  Although Meowth launches into an attack, Misty takes a full ten seconds to throw her Poké Ball, wait for it to sink to the floor of the lake and finally open before telling the now released Staryu to use Swift.  Miraculously, Meowth is still mid-attack and gets owned.  He is then filled to the brim with Staryu’s Watergun, making absolutely horrendous drowning noises as he slowly loses the ability to breathe.  As he flies away, because that’s what happens when all the water explodes out of him, Misty actually says “Have a nice drip!” and the universe as whole became dumber.

Meowth breaks almost instantly under extreme waterboarding techniques.

At sunset, we waste a lot of time feeding the Pokémon with a special blend of food Brock has been working on “for years.”  Seymour the scientist eats some, further solidifying his insanity.  Pikachu and Clefairy lead Ash and company to another cave which houses the “core of the Moon Stone”, which is just a giant rock that kinda glows.  A lot of Clefairy come from nowhere and begin dancing around the giant stone.  Pikachu and Clefairy “talk” to Ash and he manages to figure out that the Clefairy pray to the giant Moon Stone, which amounts to nothing really.  He also makes a Macarena joke and the cringe factor is very high.  Team Rocket show up again and another battle ensues, this time using Pikachu and Onix.

Koffing uses Smokescreen immediately.  Within the twenty-five seconds of confusion, Team Rocket is able to steal the giant Moon Stone and…go underground?  I don’t know, I’m not sure.  There’s a giant hole, but fuck, how did they do that?  Brock tells Onix to follow them as he digs after while the humans run outside.  Team Rocket is now on a giant wooden raft thing sliding downhill with the Moon Stone tied to it, so…I guess they didn’t go underground?  How did this happen?  Who knows.  Onix emerges in front of them, somehow, and breaks everything.  Koffing does a single counterattack and knocks them both out.  Logic is not strong here.

HOW THE FUCK DID WE GET HERE WHAT IS HAPPENING.

Seymour the scientist and all of the Clefairy also come out of the hole as Ash and company catch up to Team Rocket.  The Clefairy all begin to use Metronome by waving their fingers back and forth.  Seymour the scientist claims he knows this is the Metronome, but then immediately says he’s never seen them use it, so fuck him.  The Clefairy, all still smiling bright, then do this:

Sure seems like having a Clefairy would be helpful…

I don’t know.  No one dies and Ash, Misty, Brock, and Seymour the scientist are all unharmed.  Several Clefairy are flung in different directions, still smiling. Team Rocket is blasted off.  The Moon Stone is destroyed in the process and shards of it float down very slowly.  Some of the Clefairy evolve into Clefable after touching the fragments.  Dexter reveals that they are some of the rarest Pokémon in the world and although there are forty-seven of the just hanging out, Ash doesn’t catch one.  Goddamn you Ash.  “I’ve decided to live here with the Clefairy!” says a deranged Seymour the scientist.  “Someday I will travel to the stars with the Clefairy,”  he utters seconds after.  Fuckin’ yikes.

Also there’s a giant Moon Stone that the Clefable and Clefairy are dancing around still so I don’t really know what exploded?  Whatever.  They come to a sign for Cerulean City and realize they’re quite close to the next town.  Misty seems sad and I WONDER WHY.  There’s also a note on the sign:

11/10 jokes.

He’s not wrong.  Join us next time for water battles with the Sensational Sisters!