Following the news that Crash Bandicoot would be receiving remasters of his first three titles, ’90s mascot and all around bad boy Bubsy Bobcat, in a statement released earlier today, said he was ready for acclaimed studio Accolade to begin work on remastered versions of his hit video games Bubsy in Claws Encounters of the Furred Kind, Bubsy II, Bubsy in: Fractured Furry Tales, and Bubsy 3D: Furbitten Planet.  “I’d demand more remasters, but that’s literally all I have.  Those titles though!  They stopped making them in 1996, which I guess you could say was the death of modern gaming, am I right?”

Although Accolade went under in 1999, Bubsy seemed unfazed by the news.  “They what?  Well whatever, just make a Kickstarter campaign or some shit, that always seems to work.  People will donate to anything.  What could possibly go wrong?”  His declarations, which appeared to be off the cuff and mostly whatever came to his mind at that particular moment, also included ideas about a new installment in his long dormant series (“I’m thinking the title is Bubsy IV: The Purrfect Game, Furr Reel.”), as well as a feature film (penned by fan favorite Uwe Boll), more paying jobs for Bobcats, and an Amiibo line.  The video below would serve as a “bible for the script of the film, tentatively titled Bubsy: The Movie: What Could Possibly Go Wrong: The Movie: A CATastrophe In Furr Clawful Steps,” stated Bubsy, somehow.

“Obviously, we’d do several poses for the Amiibo,” he said with no hint of irony.  “One with my arms crossed, one with my foot tapping and me giving that ‘ugh, you’re so uncool!’ look.  Maybe one where, shit I don’t know, I’m just rollin’ with this, one where I’m being sworn in as the next President of the United States?” Although the audience fake laughed as an undeserved courtesy, Bubsy’s face apparently remained unchanged.  “No really, I’m running for President.  There’s a Kickstarter page and everything.  Vote for me.  What could possibly go wrong?”  said Bubsy, again, cringily. Those in attendance groaned for an actual seventeen second time span.

The “Make Bubsy Relevant Again” Kickstarter campaign, which encompasses the remasters of his previous games as well as the feature film, Amiibo line, and Presidential bid for nominee of the Gaming Party, went live immediately following the end of his statements.  At press time, there were two donations, one of which was Bubsy himself, totaling thirteen dollars and sixty-nine cents.