Presidential Hopeful Slippy Toad Preemptively Chooses Cabinet, Uses Only Extended Family

Former Governor Slippy Toad poses with his extended family (Art by Liz Drybread-Matheny)

Former Governor Slippy Toad poses with his extended family (Art by Liz Drybread-Matheny)

In a recent announcement, former Governor of Aquas, Slippy Toad, stated he had inexplicably already chosen his entire Presidential cabinet members , despite extremely low polling numbers for the Gaming Party nomination and a lack of understanding for the general election cycle as a whole.  Odder still, his entire cabinet consisted solely of his own extended family, almost none of whom have any political experience whatsoever.

“I liked the idea of a Nuclear Family Cabinet, although since I have no children and Amanda left me, it’s mostly just for the name.  I love the name.”  Slippy smiled wide, but his eyes began to wander to a nearby fly buzzing around.  He was, essentially, dead to the world until he caught it, which took nearly twenty-seven minutes, further solidifying why he remains at the bottom of the polls.

Grippy Toad, known for his contract work with CCTV in the United Kingdom and certain mining sites in the vastness of space, is to be Slippy’s running mate, should he get the nomination.  He is also the former Governor’s uncle.

“Yeah, Slip and I go way, way back.  Mostly to when he was born!  HA!”  Grippy croaked, punching the interviewer’s arm far too hard.  “Should be a fun ride, I don’t know what’s happening really.”  He then ingested what appeared to be some kind of prescription pills and simply smiled when asked what they were.

The names of Slippy’s proposed cabinet members were as follows:

Vice President – Grippy Toad
Secretary of State – John Kippy Toad
Secretary of Treasury – Tippy “Tip” Toad
Secretary of Defense – Dippy D. Toad
Attorney General –  Quippy Toad
Secretary of the Interior – Clippy “The Clipboard” Toad
Secretary of Agriculture – Hippy Toad
Secretary of Commerce – Bippy “Big Money” Toad
Secretary of Labor – Rippy “Ripped AF” Toad
Secretary of Health and Human Services – Pippy Toad
Secretary of  Housing and Urban Development – Flippy Toad
Secretary of Transportation – Zippy Toad
Secretary of Energy – Whippy “The Whip” Toad
Secretary of Education – Lippy “The Lip” Toad
Secretary of Vetrans Affairs – Vippy “The Vet” Toad
Secretary of Homeland Security – Xenoippy Toad

When asked why his own father, Beltino Toad, was not part of the planned cabinet, Slippy made an exaggerated “ribbit” sound, followed by an awkward silence.  “His name didn’t rhyme.  I assumed that was obvious.”  He was then once again distracted by a roaming fly.

One thought on “Presidential Hopeful Slippy Toad Preemptively Chooses Cabinet, Uses Only Extended Family”

  1. Allen says:

    I’m really surprised they left out Slippy’s stripper cousin, Nippy Slippy Toad. So sexist.

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