Man on Instagram Vows Only One More Handjob

The social media world was set on fire Saturday when a man on Instagram vowed to only give out one more handjob.

Short for “WOLVERINE …ONE LAST TIME. HANDJOB”

Further investigation revealed the man to be veteran actor Hugh Jackman, famous for his recurring role as the gruff superhero Wolverine across seven different X-Men films. Like the ageless mutant he plays on-screen, the 46-year-old Australian-born thesp has retained his rugged good looks through the years, sparking a firestorm of interest in his revealed final rubbing down-under.

Speculation has run rampant on who Hugh Jackman will perform his last handjob for. A Google news search for “Hugh Jackman Instagram” pulled 319 articles as of March 30th. Jackman certainly has strong appeal for the female set – he played the romantic lead in 2001’s Kate & Leopold, for which he was nominated for a Golden Globe.

He's tough, but he also makes you feel safe

He’s tough, but he also makes you feel safe

But the beefcake of the X-Mansion certainly isn’t lacking in appeal for male fans. In a mid-00s run of the stage production “A Boy From Oz,” the accomplished actor of stage and screen played a gay songwriter and even shared a same-sex kiss. According to Jackman in an interview with NPR, this kiss lasted especially long in one show, buying time as the humored actor regained his composure following the startled exclamation of an X-Men fan in the audience of “Don’t do it, Wolverine!”

If I’m being honest, I wouldn’t have minded being the last person Hugh got his claws on. Though I’ve long understood myself to be a heterosexual, I’ve always held that I’d be willing to go a little bi if the right opportunity came along.

Look at him. It's not even gay at this point. Is it? I don't care.

Look at him. It’s not even gay at this point. Is it? I don’t care.

Alas, the opportunity is apparently going to James Mangold, director of many feature films including Jackman-led movies Kate & Leopold and 2013’s The Wolverine. Mangold will also be writing and directing Jackman’s next Wolverine film, the as-yet-untitled Wolverine sequel.

jamesmangold

“Can’t wait to make this, (sic) handjob!” – James Mangold

As far as the Geek Melee crew is concerned, Hugh can give or not give out all the handjobs he wants, as long as he keeps putting the sizzling bacon that is Wolverine on the cinematic breakfast that is the X-Men franchise.

As of presstime, it was not known if Jackman was done with fingerbanging.

…[reading articles]…

Wait a minute. Is he going to stop playing Wolverine??

IS HUGH JACKMAN GOING TO FUCKING STOP PLAYING WOLVERINE???

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